Wife Carrying World Championships

Festival Location: Sonkajarvi, Finland

Festival Type(s): Bizarre Festivals, Bizarre Sports Events, Parties

Wife Carrying

By: © Michael J. Rosen 2009

"If a Contestant Drops His Wife, He Will Be Fined Fifteen Seconds per Drop."

- from the International Wife Carrying Competition Rules Committee

Usually, it's the wife who drags the husband - out of bed to rake the leaves on a Sunday morning, to the mall to pick out new bedroom curtains and see the new Renee Zellweger chick flick, or to the hospital because, "I think my water just broke!"

And yet, at the Wife Carrying World Championships held annually in Sonkajärvi, Finland, it's the husband who does the schlepping - the wife holds on for dear life - across a course that's over two-and-a-half football fields in length and punctuated with sand, hurdles, water obstacles, and gravel pits.

And if you're not ready for commitment (or for the rest of that "in sickness and in health"-crap), just grab any woman. As long as she's over 17 (don't even think about going younger) and 108 pounds, your "wife" is legal. (Slimmer competitors must wear weighted rucksacks to bring them up to the minimum poundage.)

The race, which has been held since 1992, draws over 40 couples and nearly 8,000 spectators. According to the Finnish Tourist Board, "The Wife Carrying creates a cheerful, bright and imaginative picture of Finland and we aim at using this image in marketing Finland." Indeed, the competition has 19th century roots: It is said that a brigand of Vikings trained prospective members by forcing them to haul heavy rucksacks or livestock on their backs. The gang also had an affinity for stealing wives from neighboring villages (some say, to the delight of the neighboring husbands).

Despite its history, competitors constantly try out new techniques to improve their spousal swiftness. "It is of great importance to find a mutual rhythm," the organizers write. "If the wife on the man's back is rocking out of time, the speed slows down." Practice, they say, is also essential: "It is possible to train...in the middle of the daily routines: In the bath, in the super market, in the playground, or in the body-building center."

Among the hauling techniques husbands employ are:

traditional piggyback (her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist)
the sack-of-potatoes carry (wife over one of his shoulders)
fireman's carry (wife across both of his shoulders)
"Estonian-style" carry (wife hanging upside down against his back, her legs wrapped around his shoulders, her arms clasped around his waist)

The last method is the easiest for returning the wife to her feet - the husband merely drops to his knees. (It's a familiar enough position, the one apologetic husbands assume after Guy's Nights Out or when they forget to take the coupon caddy when going to get the frozen yogurt.)

One couple who employs the Estonian-style technique, are - surprise - Estonians Margo Uusorg and Birgit Ulricht, who managed to cross the "Finnish" line in a world-record time of 55.5 seconds. And while Birgit's slight weight of 75 pounds helped them claim the title, it significantly cut down their winnings: The first place couple receives the equivalent of the wife's weight in beer. (The winners also receive a trophy and a bag of "wife carrying products." Take a moment to let your mind imagine what those could possible be.)

While competitions like this are becoming a global phenomenon - Australia, Hong Kong, and the United States also host events - each upholds the original Finnish rule: "All participants must have fun." Indeed, the last time carrying your wife proved this enjoyable was over the threshold on your wedding night.

Other Partnering Plays:

In the sprint relay, a man carries a woman, puts her down, and drinks a beer before the next man (the second of three) picks her up. The third man completes the 100-meter race in what appears to be a rather primitive and unsatisfying form of connubial bliss.

In the marathon, the husbands piggyback their wives and run as far as they can in six minutes. As the committee explains it: "The core of the race is made of a woman, a man, and their relationship. The wife carrying and eroticism have a lot in common. Intuitive understanding of the signals sent by the partner and becoming one with the partner are essential in both of them - sometimes also whipping."

No Dribbling the Squid

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For more info check out the No Dribbling the Squid website, Facebook fan page or Michael's very own website.

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