Extreme Croquet

Article by: © Michael J. Rosen 2012

"Roqueting Another Player's Beer or Respective Drink Results in Two Extra Turns. Nothing Is Obtained for Hitting Your own Drink - Other Than a Berating From the Other Players for Wasting Precious Resources."

- from the San Francisco Extreme Croquet guidelines

Extreme-, eXtreme-, or simply Cross-Country Croquet had its beginnings in the 1920s, when a Long Island man constructed a croquet course that included sand traps, bunkers, and "rough." Long Island being one of the least eXtreme places on Earth (have you ever seen it spelled lOng Island?), a name wasn't given to the sport until a Swedish club commandeered the game in 1975. But it took the founding of the Connecticut eXtreme Croquet Society in 1984 to rally American attention to the game, which it describes as "an intensely aggressive game, where the phrase 'safe shot' has no meaning."

Noted for outlandish rules and even more outlandish playing fields, extreme croquet is typically held in one or more of three favorite venues:

• woodland areas: See this section's title for an apt description.
• stream beds: What sport can't be improved with splashing, decaying leaves, and the chance to find crawdads?
• railroad tracks: This is only slightly less safe than just setting up the wickets on the Autobahn.

The CECS ensures that all playing fields are oddly shaped with irregularly spaced wickets. Their courses span between 50 and 80 yards, depending on the season, although some courses have ranged over 125 yards with wickets placed where "if you over-shoot the shot by three feet, you drop off a ledge...."

In San Francisco, the resident Club hosts annual tournaments with competitors nicknamed Captain Kangaroo, Dr. Punish, and Steak Boy. They have especially strict rules regarding, for instance, a sudden outburst of song during play: "There shall be no singing of-or in the style of-show tunes on the course. Offending players will be verbally berated and threatened with physical violence." Should you take a shot out of turn, there are repercussions: You must move your ball back to its previous position, "wait in shame for your turn," and bring cold refreshments and apologies to "all the players whose balls you stroked out of turn."

Watching these extreme malletheads you might start wondering if they're playing crack croquet.

For east coast players, check out: www.extremecroquet.org. West coasters, see: www.extremecroquet.com.

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